Please Pass Me My Chocolate Hammer

I’m not sure what the Ritz Carlton in Puerto Rico is used to but I don’t think it’s two people with folding bikes and suitcases rolling into their hotel at 3AM asking to be checked in for that day. We were denied until 5AM. Good thing we still had cue cards to finish (rolls eyes); those are not fun to do EVER, let alone before the sun has risen. We made do and when we finally checked in (but seriously we’re so grateful they let us check in at 5AM since check in is technically at 4PM) we immediately passed out on the feather top bed.

When we finally awoke from hibernation we were hungry and had a lot of work to do. GVP somehow convinced me that setting up the bikes was more important than getting food; I still don’t know how he did that. Several months ago we’d decided to get folding bikes for this trip so we could fold them up and pack them in a suitcase. Easy peasy. However, I made the HUGE mistake of buying the Citizen Miami in orange. It is cute. I still think so even though I know what a piece of crap it is: the wheels are insanely hard to get off (why does anyone make wheels that aren’t quick release?), the back fender is riveted on. RIVETED! Grease oozes out of the bike from everywhere. Anyways, I had a Schwinn folding bike delivered to the hotel from Amazon (which ended up rusting in two short weeks so I sent it back; I am done with POS bikes. This is not to say that all folding bikes are awful. GVP had a Dahon which has quick release tires, fits into a large suitcase, and whose grease output does not resemble that of a teenager’s pores.)

We needed to pump up the tires. Luckily the Ritz Carlton has IMG_2443an excellent maintenance staff. Not only did they let us bring our bikes down to their shop, worked on our bikes with us, offered us sweat rags and water (it was hot down there!), but at one point Eduardo disappeared and came back with two packets of chocolate shaped like tools. Yeah. That’s real. Pliers, a wrench, and a hammer. I’m not even upset that my chocolate hammer’s head was broken off. I’m just impressed that these things even exist. And I have a lot of questions. Who else are they giving these to? Do they pass them out…well, like candy or are we the first people? If so I bet they were super stoked to give them to us.

When the bikes were ready to go we headed out for a late lunch. I don’t know what made us decide to get a couple of drinks each, a couple of appetizers, and an expensive paella dish but, but we dropped $100 on lunch. (Later when we wanted to dive into the leftovers we realized we had no utensils so we ripped off corners of the Styrofoam for spoons. Keeping it classy.)

Did I mention we got a complimentary bottle of champagne from the hotel?

Because I have love for all bikes, even the sucky ones; that’s why I love riding my bike.



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